Accepting Fate
by NCISbinge
Summary: It only took a few words one night for everything to end...where are they now?
1. Accepting Fate

**Accepting Fate**

 _I think it's time we talked this over..._

 _-Nobody's Hero, Stiff Little Fingers_

* * *

 **I've wanted to write something like this recently and here it is! I don't really like writing stories that aren't fully tiva, but I feel like this is a bit of both. It actually turned out quite a bit different to how I planned but I'm happy with it. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Can I get a large tea and this granola bar please?" Ziva placed the cereal bar on the counter with a smile.

"Hey Ziva, a lot of early mornings for you recently, huh?" Mark queried. The café Ziva was at was a regular for everyone at the Navy Yard as it was so close. Mark knew everyone who would visit.

"Unfortunately, yes. This case is taking longer to close than we expected." Mark put the cup of tea on the counter and Ziva handed over the money.

"The glorious life of a Federal Agent, am I right?" He joked, winking at her.

"You certainly are." She laughed back and said her goodbyes, heading off to go to work. Just as she turned around she bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry." She continued onto the door but was stopped by the person she bumped into grabbing her arm.

"Ziva?" DiNozzo's voice broke through her tiredness. Her eyes shot up to the handsome face that used to sit opposite her every day.

"Tony?" Her voice trailed off, a rush of feelings coming back. "What are you doing here?"

"The case we're working has ties with the FBI. I'm down here for a meeting with good ol' Fornell." He grinned. The grin that use to warm her heart. The grin that always knew how to make her feel.

"Oh, I see." She smiled sheepishly. They spent a few seconds in each other's eyes.

* * *

 _A few months ago..._

Tony and Ziva had started dating a few weeks ago. However, it hadn't been what either of them expected. Ziva felt undeserving of the compliments and affection she got from DiNozzo, and Tony was surprised at how distant Ziva had been towards him. It was like their relationship had changed her completely as a person. One evening, all it took was a few words to cause Ziva to snap.

They were spending the night together watching films – as usual. They watched in almost silence all but the occasional commentary from Tony, or Ziva asking what was actually happening. Ziva was wrapped under Tony's arm who was absentmindedly tracing his finger up and down her arm.

"Ziva..." Tony said in a nervous voice.

"Mhhhm?" She somewhat replied back, not looking up to him.

"I love you." Ziva shot up instantly, surprising Tony slightly. She simply stared in shock for longer than she should have.

"Say something, Ziva." An uneasy feeling spread throughout DiNozzo's body.

"No, you can't love me. That's impossible. It's always been lies or fake. Love isn't something I deserve, I learnt that long ago yet I let it happen. I got told it too often by people who merely did it to betray me. I don't believe you." It was like she was in a trance, rehearsing some lines somebody had told her to say. She stood up and started pacing in front of the TV, her hands in her hair.

"Ziva, are you alright?" Tony walked over to her, gently grabbing her arm to try and calm her down but she knocked his hand away.

"This is the final straw...I can't do it. I can't do this." Ziva started pacing faster as DiNozzo tried to think what he could do.

"Ziva, I need you to calm down. _Please_ , just come and sit down. Tell me what's wrong, you're scaring me..." DiNozzo ran his hands through his hair in despair. Ziva completely ignored him and carried on.

Tony picked his phone up off the coffee table and scrolled through his contacts, deciding who would be best to deal with it.

"Ducky, I need you to get to Ziva's apartment as fast as you can." DiNozzo blurted out with an anxious tone.

"I'll be there shortly, my boy." Ducky decided it was best to just comply rather than ask questions.

* * *

Tony shot over to the door as fast he could to let Ducky in.

"What seems to be the problem, Anthony?" Ducky entered the apartment.

"I told her I love her and she just freaked out on me. She told me I was lying and that she didn't deserve it and that she didn't believe me." Ducky could see the fear and pain in Tony's eyes as he explained. He glanced over at Ziva to see her in a distressed state. He rushed over to try and assess what he would do next.

"Ziva, dear, it's Ducky. Is everything alright?" Ducky tried to grab her arm, just like DiNozzo had, but she pushed it away.

"He's lying! Just like they all did, they didn't care. The used me!" Ziva started yelling out, giving Ducky some idea of what might be happening. He went over to DiNozzo to discuss.

"From what she just said, I fear she may be having a mental breakdown. Over the years, her feelings have been thrown around and she's been put through a number of difficult times. It would appear that her oppression towards events such as Somalia, her relationship with Mr Rivkin and her past life in Mossad seem to have caught up with her. She feels that she's been betrayed too many times for anyone to show love or care towards her. Your show of affection seemed to trigger this outburst. I shall have to call my friend who works over in the psychology unit at Bethesda."

"Oh my god..." DiNozzo answered in a helpless tone. "What did I do to make her feel like she couldn't talk to me about those things when they happened? Some partner I am..." Tony stared at the floor, feeling a whole rang of emotions – none of them good.

"Anthony, don't speak like that. You know very well that it has nothing to do with you. This is just who Ziva is. She's spent her whole life being told that her feelings don't matter, so for her to have the chance now to talk about them, it's quite an overwhelming situation." Ducky explained as he proceeded to call his friend. Tony didn't know what to say, so instead, he gave up and collapsed down onto the sofa.

* * *

Tony and Ziva had ended up sitting down to have a little catch up. The way they ended things was something neither of them wanted or had expected. The whole Navy Yard would always comment on how they weren't the 'Tony and Ziva' they were before the whole ordeal. They stopped flirting and joking with each other, and were extremely distant. Nobody expected Ziva's breakdown to cause this to happen, but unfortunately it did and everybody hated it. Eventually Tony had ended up making the decision to take the offer of having his own team. He thought deeply about it, and realised Ziva was the main reason he never took the opportunity in the first place.

"So..." Ziva started awkwardly. "Is having your own team as good as you thought it would be?"

"Ummm, I must admit it still feels strange. Something doesn't quite feel right but I think it will always be that way. Apart from that, it's not too bad." He smiled before taking a sip of his coffee.

"I wasn't expecting that answer, I thought you'd love having your own team." She gave him a bit of a surprised look.

"Oh well." He laughed slightly. "How's the Navy Yard anyway? I've been meaning to come back and visit."

"Oh, the usual; suffocating hugs, computer talk and dead bodies." Ziva smiled sincerely, thinking of how much she actually loved her job.

"Oh yeah, of course." He winked, causing that silly feeling to tingle throughout her whole body. "How are you doing anyway?" He looked at her, genuinely wondering what she'd been up to.

"I'm doing alright actually. Thank you for asking. I only see my therapist once a week now, so I guess that's progress." She smiled uncomfortably. "How about you?"

"That's great! I'm really proud of you. Yeah, I'm good thanks, I've started going to cooking classes! Can you believe it?" The famous grin appeared again.

"Shall I be expecting a 12 course meal soon then?" She winked, taking a sip of her tea.

"You bet!" The next few seconds passed in silence, until Ziva spoke up.

"I wish I could apologise every day for what I put you through, I honestly do." She buried her head in hands, trying not to cry.

"Hey!" He leaned forward slightly and rubbed her arm to try and comfort her. "It's not your fault at all, there's nothing you should be apologising for. The important thing is that you're seeing a therapist and working on yourself." She finally uncovered her face, smiling lovingly at him. It still amazed her how he always managed to make her feel better.

"Every minute of every day, I wish none of it ever happened. I wish Mossad hadn't ruined me, I wish Somalia had never happened, I wish I hadn't been so foolish about Michael. With each bad thing that happened, my life seemed to become more unbearable. A piece of each of my feelings would chip off and just disappear, never to return. It's getting to the point now that I don't know how to feel anymore." She sighed, allowing her mind to feel pity for once.

"You can't imagine how much I wish none of it had ever happened too. If I could make it all go away, I promise I would." He reached over the tabled and grabbed her hand. "But look at how invincible you are. You still fight for each day and that's an achievement in itself. Even though things didn't end greatly between us, I never _ever_ blame you and I still feel exactly the same way. I still love you and will always care for you, no matter what." A single tear rolled down her cheek as she let his words sink in.

"No one else manages to say the right the words but you. Thank you...I mean it. If it weren't for my breakdown, I truly think our relationship would have lasted because you're an incredible man. And I want to let you know that I didn't mean anything personally when I said I didn't believe your love. I know when you say something like that, you mean it. You deserve to know that I love you as well." She looked up to see the smile that she'd caused and smiled back.

"They've given me an apartment while I'm here, how about I show you what I've learnt in those cooking classes?" He stood up and she did too.

"How could I ever turn down an invitation like that?" She followed him out the door, both of them smiling.

* * *

 **I know it's so typical to give DiNozzo his own team but I needed to for the story. I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think?!**


	2. Rescue The Past

**Rescue The Past**

 _Where the future and promises ain't what it used to be..._

 _-Somewhere Now, Green Day_

* * *

 **Right, I actually intended for this to be a one shot, but I forgot to mention that in the first chapter and then a lot of people wanted me to write more...andddd here we are with chapter two!**

 **I have some ideas of what I want to happen with this story, but at the same time, I'm just making stuff up as I go along.**

* * *

"Those cooking classes are definitely paying off!" Ziva commented as DiNozzo took the empty plates to the kitchen.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. Makes a change me cooking for you instead of the other way round." Silence fell as they both thought back to all the nights that Ziva would cook for them both, they would crack open a bottle of wine and watch a film. She coughed to break the silence before deciding to talk.

"How did your meeting with Fornell go?" They sat down on the couch; both at separate ends.

"Like every other time I've seen Fornell, he spends most of it taking the piss out of me." DiNozzo grinned sarcastically. Ziva chuckled, remembering when he used to visit Gibbs.

"Nothing's changed then." She smiled at him, then took a sip of wine, not knowing what to say.

"I'm hoping that's the same for us then." He looked at her, searching for his answer. "The truth is, ever since I left, I've been really unhappy. I'm not 100% sure why, but I know you're definitely a part of it." He looked at her, his expression full of sincerity.

"This is all my fault. I'm the one who made our lives take different directions. I should leave." Ziva shook her head, knowing it was a mistake to enter this rocky territory again. She was just about to get up and go when DiNozzo spoke.

"Ziva." She stopped for a moment and perched herself on the edge of the couch. "It's not your fault, and I wish you would see that. I should have stuck by you through it but instead I stupidly gave up. I thought what you said that night was true, but it wasn't. That was just your past speaking and I should have realised. But I ran away from everything. I ran from the pain, the shock, and I ran from _you_. And I knew the moment that I accepted that job that I'd messed up, but it was too late to turn back. I'm sorry for letting you think you were the one that caused it all, and I'm sorry that I left you when life was hitting you the hardest. " Ziva looked over to him and saw his glassy eyes threatening to spill the tears that he was trying so hard to hold back. She moved over closer and hugged him. He didn't know, but hugging him was something she loved doing. They sat quietly for a while, separately thinking things over and accepting everything that had happened.

"You truly are a great man. I can't imagine my life without you and I'm so grateful that you came into it." She kissed him on the cheek. It was a small gesture, but they both knew it meant the world. "I'll call you tomorrow." She squeezed his hand and smiled at him, then left.

He sat, completely perplexed by what had just happened. He was amazed how one person could make him feel so strongly and have such a huge impact on his life. It truly baffled him.

* * *

For the past two hours, McGee had been glancing over his computer to Ziva. She'd said nothing since she came in and he was curious what was wrong.

"Are you alright, Ziva?" McGee finally decided to ask. She thought to herself whether or not she should let McGee in on the events of the past couple of days, but decided against it.

"I'm fine, thank you. How are you?" He eyed her curiously.

"Uhh, yeah I'm good thanks." He smiled for second as he watched her get lost in her own little world again. Gibbs had gone to sort some problem out and had said he wouldn't be back for quite a few hours, so when the elevator dinged, they both glanced over.

"Tony?" McGee questioned in shock of seeing him at the Navy Yard.

"Hey ProbieWanKanobi!" DiNozzo grinned as he strode in, a drink holder in his one hand and a brown paper bag in the other. Ziva stared in disbelief. He placed a cup on Ziva's desk and handed her a breakfast burrito then proceeded to do the same with McGee.

"What are you doing here?" Tim questioned as he accepted the burrito.

"You're welcome, nice to see you too." Tony answered sarcastically.

"Uhh yeah thanks. I didn't mean it like that, I'm just surprised to see you here." McGee glanced over to Ziva who seemed to be just as shocked as he did.

"Well, I have a few days off and Ziva said last night that she'd call me, but I thought it'd be better to come and surprise her...and it seems that I've done the same to you." DiNozzo looked between them both to see their puzzled expressions instead of smiles.

"She'd call you?" Tim looked over to Ziva. "You mean, you saw each other last night?" McGee felt rather offended that Ziva would keep this from him. He thought they'd been getting a lot closer since Tony had left.

"It's not like that, Tim." Ziva stood up, shoved DiNozzo aggressively then grabbed McGee's arm and dragged him to the break room. Tim's expression told her he was definitely waiting for an explanation.

"The other morning I went to the café before work and just as I was about to leave, I bumped into someone...quite literally. It was Tony. We sat for a little while discussing how things had ended between us. The case he's working has ties with the FBI so he'd come down to have a meeting with Fornell. He's staying in an apartment so he invited me round to cook for me. That's all there is to it." Ziva explained.

"Why didn't you just tell me in the first place? I thought we'd reached the point where we tell _these_ kind of things to each other?" McGee tried to find his answer.

"Is that why you're upset? McGee, I trust you with my life so that means I trust you with everything. But I know how things between DiNozzo and me make you feel, and I didn't even know what to say really. I'm still trying to comprehend it myself." McGee smiled understandingly.

"Alright, I understand. It's not that I don't like hearing stuff about you and DiNozzo, it's just things were...different back then."

"I know." She patted McGee's hand and smiled tenderly. "We better not leave the idiot alone for too long, you know what he's like." They got up and Ziva hooked her arm through McGee's as they chuckled walking back to the bullpen.

* * *

 **I just _had_ to use 'ProbieWanKenobi' because it always cracks me and my sister up haha.**

 **I hope you enjoyed!**


	3. Meltdown Expected

**Meltdown Expected**

 _But I have no fear..._

 _-London Calling, The Clash_

* * *

 **FIRSTLY, I just wanted to say THIS IS NOT A MCGIVA FANFIC IN ANY WAY AT ALL! The end part of the last chapter was just friendship. I was just trying to portray that they'd become a lot closer as friends since DiNozzo had left because it was just those two left.**

 **Now that's cleared up...enjoy!**

* * *

McGee sat back at his desk as Ziva stormed over to DiNozzo and threw him in the lift. As soon as the doors shut she hit his arm.

"Owww!" Tony yelled, overreacting.

"Why?" She placed a hand on her hip, annoyed at him.

"What do you mean?" DiNozzo grinned, not realising that she was pissed at him.

"You think you can just turn up and act as if nothing ever changed? It doesn't work like that, DiNozzo."

"Woah...what do you mean? All I did was bring breakfast." He answered defensively.

"You left." She paused for a moment, and those two words him them both hard. "You left without warning or a proper goodbye. Now you think you can just magically click your fingers and everything be back to how it was because you want it that way?" Her angry expression faced his shocked one. "For months, I've tried to escape you, to forget what you meant to me because it causes too much pain. I used to be able to ring you at any time of the day and you'd answer, I'd turn up uninvited to your apartment and you'd let me in, I'd be upset and you'd be there. But where were you when I truly needed you?" She stepped back from him slightly, taking a deep breath. He was left speechless.

"I...I'm not...do you actually mean that?" He felt his heart break into a million pieces. "I _never_ meant for it to be that way. I left because I thought it would be easier for you. I obviously caused some sort of problem with our relationship so I left because I didn't want you to hate me, to resent me, to feel like you had to throw away everything we had. From the moment it all happened, not a day has gone by that I didn't question the decision I'd made. There were so many nights that I wanted to just come back and try and fix everything but the last thing I wanted was for you to hate me and as far as I knew, you already did."

"I don't hate you. I never could." She answered, sounding so defeated. She stared down at the ground as he looked at her admiringly.

"This case with the FBI is the last one I'm working, I quit last week." He admitted as the elevator door opened, perfect timing for him to leave this situation he'd created.

* * *

"Can I speak to you?" Ziva asked sheepishly as she stood at the top of the stairs, knowing what the answer would be. When she heard the screws hit the table out of the cup, she took that as a 'yes'. She carried on into the basement and sat on a stool. Gibbs handed her a glass of whiskey and looked at her.

"He's coming back to the agency." Gibbs informed her in a matter of face tone as if it was no big deal. Her head shot up straight away but no words would leave her mouth. When a few minutes passed without speaking, Gibbs decided to continue.

"He failed his probationary period...on purpose."

"What do you mean?" Ziva finally managed to speak.

"Although he's a pain in the ass and jokes around all the time, DiNozzo is more than capable of running his own team. His report said that he was carelessly breaching protocol, turning up late to work and just generally being unprofessional. In all the years he's worked for me, that's never happened and I know it was his way of showing he didn't like the job."

"Then why didn't he just leave?" It seemed the most obvious way out to most people, but not for DiNozzo apparently.

"I don't think he wanted to admit defeat. I know having his own team has been something he's wanted for a long time, so when it didn't work out how he thought it would, he chose the stupid way out."

"Typical DiNozzo." Ziva commented and they both chuckled at his unreasonableness.

"McGee updated me on what's been happening between you both."

"Yes. That's why I came to see you but this visit took a turn I didn't expect. We argued, he told me he'd quit then he walked away." Ziva explained.

"Life's going to take a different turn again. You alright with that? I can make arrangements if it's going to be too uncomfortable for-" Gibbs didn't get chance to finish his sentence before Ziva interrupted.

"I'm fine with it. I can't avoid it forever, and I think us shouting at each other a lot these past few days is making some kind of progress."

* * *

 **I know this might be a bit out of character but oh well! And sorry for it being slightly shorter! Next one will be quite long...**

 **Hope you're all alright.**


	4. Truce

**Truce**

 _You think twice about your life..._

 _-Holding Onto You, Twenty One Pilots_

* * *

 **I hated therapy and I'm pretty sure Ziva would/did too. I never really plan what's going to happen in any of my chapters so this came out randomly haha.**

 **Hope you're enjoying so far!**

* * *

It was Thursday, which meant it was Ziva's weekly therapy appointment, so she walked reluctantly to the conference room. When Gibbs had found out about Ziva's 'breakdown', he insisted she had the appointment somewhere she felt comfortable, and so every week her therapist would come to the Navy Yard. Ziva knew this week's session could be difficult considering what had gone on the past few days.

"Hello." Ziva greeted quietly. She rather disliked therapy; the constant analysis, the motive behind every feeling and the attention being focused on her. She'd only ever agreed to go for every one else's sake. They'd been urging her for a long time and she'd finally decided to give in.

"Hello, Ziva. How are you?" Dr Wyatt asked as Ziva sat down.

"I'm alright thank you, yourself?" She gave a fake smile to her therapist.

"I'm good thank you. Now, how's your week been?" He smiled at her.

It took Ziva a few moments to try and think of a word to best describe the events of the past few days. Ever since she'd started therapy there had been a lot of difficult things to talk about, but the hardest was definitely Tony.

"Well...it's been interesting." Ziva spent most of her sessions being awkward; not elaborating on anything she said and making her therapist make most the effort. She often wondered if he dreaded these sessions as much as she did.

"Oh, really? How so?" He got his pen ready to write his notes.

"I bumped into Tony at a coffee shop a few days ago, next thing I know we were talking about how we left things. Then I ended up being cooked for by him at an apartment he's staying in. We spoke about everything again and then he showed up here the next day. We argued and then I got told he's coming to work back here." Ziva had to hold her laughter in. It always amused her how they managed to be so complicated in such a short space of time.

"Wow, that's a lot to process. How do you feel about this?" Dr Wyatt asked as he looked up briefly from writing some notes.

"Well, it's overwhelming but I'm accepting everything as it's happening." Like always, Ziva answered with as minimal of a response as possible.

"Right, so when you say accepting everything, do you mean with Tony coming back into your life or things of the past involving him?"

"Both I suppose." Dr Wyatt nodded slowly.

"Would you ever consider being in a relationship with Tony again?"

The question struck Ziva by surprise, even though it was a always a possibility that he would ask that. For such a long time, Ziva wanted to be with DiNozzo. She was fed up of their flirting and the sexual tension and just wanted it to become something real. When it did, her life felt so different. Having someone she knew would protect her, care for her, make her feel something that no one else could. But the whole thing was too overwhelming for her. She started to question herself and her past relationships and it started to take a toll on her feelings and her romantic relationship with Tony. So, when the question was asked, it made her go back through lots of things in her mind in search of the right answer.

"Ziva? Are you still with me?" Dr Wyatt questioned after Ziva had zoned out for a while. She shook her head slightly to enter back into the real world.

"I never wanted our relationship to end in the first place. Even if I considered rekindling it, there's so much to think about."

"Maybe you shouldn't think about it. That seems to be what caused the problem in the first place – overthinking. Why not just go for it?" Ziva opened and closed her mouth, trying to argue against what was just said, even though she knew it was a good idea.

"Well...I mean...how could I...I just-" Before Ziva could ramble anymore, Dr Wyatt interrupted.

"I think you having no reply is your mind telling you that you should do just that. Just let it happen, don't think about it. Of course, we can't go through life without thinking about the consequences of our actions, but I think you've spent your whole life doing that. Take a break for once, go with your heart."

"Perhaps you're right. I'll just follow my heart."

* * *

"You wanted to see me?" Tony stated as he walked into Gibbs' basement.

"Ziva came to see me. She knows you're coming back to the agency." Gibbs told Tony as he poured them a glass of whiskey.

"Oh. What did she say?" DiNozzo felt his heart beat a million times faster waiting for the answer.

"I think she's ok with it." Gibbs handed Tony a glass.

"She is?" Tony was genuinely shocked, especially after their previous argument.

"DiNozzo, you have to remember that she never wanted for things to end badly between you both." They both took a sip of their whiskey.

"Yeah, I guess that's true."

"Although she doesn't like people to think it she's fragile, especially now more than ever. Be careful with her, DiNozzo. You upset her even _once_ , and there'll be consequences." Gibbs gave his famous stony glare.

"Understood, Boss." Gibbs smirked and got back to sanding.

* * *

Tony was searching for apartments when he heard a knock at the door. He shot up, thinking it was the pizza delivery guy. Before he had chance to say anything, Ziva grabbed the side of his face and brought his lips to hers own.

After a few moments enjoying the gesture, Tony pulled back and stared at her questioningly.

"I'm following my heart." She smiled and walked past him into the apartment.

After her therapy session today, Ziva decided to truce with herself. She was fed up of constantly fighting her mind on thoughts, decisions and feelings. She took Dr Wyatt's advice and just went with her heart. And she had to admit, it felt pretty liberating to just do something without thinking it over too much. Ziva decided that she would take more risks and opportunities, because worrying over things didn't help her live her life.

* * *

 **Any ideas for the story? Let me know!**

 **Hope you're all doing good! :)**


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